2022 ended and I decided I would try to write a little recap of the past year in terms of what I’ve learned and what my goals are for the future. I don’t really believe in New Year’s resolutions because it seems trivial and forced. I prefer to reassess my long standing plans for my life and what I can improve on rather than come up with one aspect to overhaul or deeply consider. With that out of the way I’ll recap what I wanted from 2022 and what I did and did not do right:

My major goal last year was to improve my Japanese and spend every day working at learning it to the best of my abilities. I would say I did about a 7 out of 10 on that overall. I started the year with vigor and for the first eight months of the year I suck really well to listening intently to Japanese for three to five hours a day and basically ignored all other interests. I stopped playing video games, mostly quit reading for fun, and barely watched any movies or shows in English. This changed in August when I got a PS5 and my old habits kind of returned. I still listened to Japanese every day but it started being accompanied by games which pretty much halves your comprehension, in my opinion. Thankfully upon returning home from vacation I’m feeling really bored by games in general so I think I can refocus my efforts and get back on track. I still feel like I improved over the year and going back to things I was watching this same time last year I do see an improvement in my comprehension but I definitely think I could’ve done a lot more. I did however take the JLPT in December which was a big check off my yearly list of goals. I won’t find out if I passed for another month or so but the fact that I did it still makes me feel accomplished. I may try to take the next level up next December but that will depend on a lot of factors. My major intention for the year is to start reading more. I have a pretty sizable collection of printed media in Japanese and I want to get through it by the end of this year. I think that will really improve my confidence and help me stay entertained with learning which is paramount to staying motivated.

A secondary goal for the year was to get into the JET Program but as I have lamented previously I did not succeed which is why I’m still in Oregon. I did however reapply and found out today that I got into the final selection phase so in a few weeks I’ll have another interview and maybe this year will be my year. I’m trying not to get myself worked up over it like I did last year so my short term goal is to not panic, work on coming up with answers to interview questions, and definitely not panic. Last year was a mess so hopefully I can learn from that and stick the landing, as they say in gymnastics. Another long term goal connected to this is that I want to stop winging things and just hoping that I get by on whatever innate ability I have. Maybe at 35 I can start actually putting focused effort into things and stop just hoping that my parachute will eventually deploy and I’ll land somewhere habitable.

On a final note for the year I got to go home and see my family in Colorado for two weeks which was amazing. I actually got stuck there for an extra five days due to the pervasive flight cancellations that were happening during the holiday season. It was fortuitous though because I really enjoy my family and for the first time in my life I can take some time to myself and not worry about being homeless or having my things repossessed. I only have one brother but he has been with his wife for more or less my entire life so we know each other pretty well, and their kids are hilarious and adorable. I went and saw the Colorado river and the national monument which is mind blowing in how beautiful it is. I also got matching kitty tattoos with my oldest friends which was something I’ll never forget. All in all it was probably the best vacation I’ve ever had because I’m finally in a place in my life where I can be present in the moment and not be constantly battling some kind of existential monster in my closet. I feel a pretty tangible clarity in my perception of my life and my future. I still have no idea what I’m doing or where I want to end up but I’m at least not rolling a Sisyphusian bolder up an emotional hill every day. The past is most certainly a weight that binds you as you struggle to move forward. It’s good to let things go.